


The Hand

by Fishyz9



Series: Body Parts [5]
Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 20:46:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17732369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fishyz9/pseuds/Fishyz9
Summary: Levi and Nico handle difficult situations in different ways. Nico likes hugs, Levi punches walls.





	The Hand

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short one. This follows 15x12 after the death of a patient, Natasha.

I feel stupid, so very stupid to be texting Nico now after more or less asking him to leave me alone, but I’m too embarrassed to have anyone else look at my hand.

He was trying to be nice, and it was sweet and perfect and just so very Nico, but I was too fragile, and his gentle voice and warm eyes would have been a catalyst to me completely losing it. If he’d touched me or said anything in that moment I would have broken down. I’ve come too far to revert back to the wreck of a human being I was not so long ago, and for all to see.

To his credit I think he read me perfectly and gave me the privacy I desperately needed. I just wish I hadn’t stepped away from his attempted embrace so instantly, like matching poles of magnets. I wish I’d at least looked him in the eye before I mumbled my excuses and walked away.

And now those repressed, stupid would-be tough guy feelings have landed me with an injured hand.  If someone has to see me like this then let it be Nico, I just hope he still wants to talk to me.

Me: Are you free right now?

Nico <3: Yes, where are you?

Me: On call on 4th

Nico<3: On my way

A few minutes later he walks in, locking the door behind him. This isn’t a regular meeting in an on call room and he knows it, I can tell by the way he tilts his head, offers me a soft, sad smile and keeps his hands in his pockets. As if judging how much room to give me or exactly what it is I need so as not to crowd me or overwhelm me. Such a gentleman.

“Hey you” he says softly.

“Hi” I say back quietly, looking up from where I sit on the edge of the cot, cradling my hand. “Thanks for coming; I know you must be busy.”

“I always have time for you.”

I manage a small smile, but dammit, there’s the familiar stinging of tears again. I don’t know what’s wrong with me that I can’t handle _nice_ when feeling so delicate.

“Can I…”? He nods to the space on the cot beside me.

“Of course.”

He sits next to me, interlacing his fingers loosely between his knees as he lets his shoulder gently nudge mine. “Three months in and I’m still learning new things about you every day.”

“Like?” I don’t know why it’s so hard to look at him right now.

“Like you’re the strong silent type who needs space when angry or sad.”

I close my eyes tight for a second. “I’m sorry for walking away like that.”

“You process those feelings however you need to. We all do. I totally respect that. I’m not sitting here with hurt feelings, trust me.”

I look at him. “No?”

“No, Levi.” He says gently, his voice nothing but sincere. “I’m totally here for you, anything you need, including breathing room and privacy without you having to worry about pissing me off.”

I look at him sadly and let out a sigh. “You’re so cool.”

He frowns and then laughs softly. “Um…ok?”

“No, I mean…” I smile begrudgingly, letting out a much needed exhale. “Remember when I called you the ‘drama?’”

“Yes,” he smiles softly, recalling our first semi-argument.

“I couldn’t have been more wrong. You read a room so well, you accommodate the feelings of others like it’s second nature to you.” I shake my head. “No drama. Just…infinite patience and understanding and that’s…” I bite my lip, nod my head. “That’s very cool.”

He gives me a soft smile and it could be my imagination but I think a touch of colour blooms in his cheeks.

“Like right now, with someone else I could be expending the last ounce of energy I have explaining myself and apologising and instead I get to exhale and just… appreciate you. It makes me feel calm.” And I mean it. The stinging in my eyes has abated and I feel like me again. But with a sore hand.

He swallows. “Like I said, anything you need.”

I press my lips together in a tight smile and rest my brow against his shoulder for a second. A quiet _thank you_.

“Is that why you asked me to come? To tell me I’m cool.”

I lift my head and take in a deep breath. “Actually I punched a wall and I’m worried my hand is broken. I was too embarrassed to call anyone else.”

“What?” He frowns and then reaches for my hand.

“ _Ah ah ah_ ,” I hiss. “Careful.” I wince as he takes my multi-coloured hand in his.

He lets out a heavy sigh, his shoulders sagging. “Dammit, Levi.”

“I know.” I concede sheepishly.

“Ok, everything I just said about space and breathing room? I take it back. Next time just let me hug you.”

I let out a breathy laugh and his eyes meet mine, he gives me a small smile which somehow still manages to be chastising. He shakes his head. “Levi…” he says, just sighing my name in that smooth voice of his as he moves to crouch down in front of me to gently examine my hand.

“I feel so stupid. Like, who do I think I am? Walking around punching walls like an idiot. I’ve got that thing, what’s it called? A _Napoleon_ complex, that’s it. A few positive affirmations and suddenly I think I’m ten feet tall and can punch through walls when _nope_. Still five six, still a total nerd –”

“You’re a goddamn giant. Anyone else who says otherwise can fight me.”

He doesn’t even look at me as he says it. He just carries on gently moving my fingers, a small crease in his brow. I watch him, wondering at this perfect man and how it is he so unapologetically sees the best of me.

“Still feel stupid.”

“You were feeling compassion for a dying woman and a grieving man because your heart is as big as your brain. Like I said…” he looks up at me. “You’re a giant.”

I swallow hard, and then repeat his previous words back at him. “Three months in and I’m still learning new things about you every day.”

He tilts his head to the side, lips pulling up at one corner. “Oh yeah, and what’s that?”

“That whether you mean to or not, you will always find the right thing to say.”

He smiles at me gently. “I don’t think this is broken, but you should get it x-rayed.”

I can’t help but grumble and he rests his forearms against my thighs, giving me a playfully stern look. “No more punching walls.”

I nod.

“Promise me.”

“I will, if you promise me something.”

“Shoot.”

I clench my jaw, my throat feeling thick. “Don’t get sick. Don’t get into any car accidents. Don’t get food poisoning. Stay away from poison ivy. Don’t get the sniffles. Don’t stub your toe. Nothing. Just…always be safe, ok?”

His throat bobs, and he lays his hands on my thighs and lifts his chin to press his lips to mine in a soft kiss. “I promise.”

“And I’m sorry about earlier. It’s sweet that you think I’m the’ strong silent type’” I say with small laugh. “But to be honest I just didn’t want to crumble in front of you.”

He takes his seat next to me on the cot. “You can crumble if you need to.”

“Nah, not yet. Still in the _trying to impress you_ phase of this relationship.”

“Ah, ok then.” He nudges my shoulder with his. “You should know that I grew out of that phase a few weeks back. Round about when I tried cooking for you and nearly set my kitchen on fire.”

I tip my head back and laugh at the memory. Nico nearly burning down his kitchen while trying to cook pasta – _how?_ – And then sheepishly ordering pizza will forever be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. “You managed to keep it together pretty well today.”

“Not really,” he says with a pitiful laugh, making me frown. “I mean you were a lot more involved in this case than I was, but then that whole impromptu wedding under the stars thing…” he frowns sadly. “Just…all a little too sad for me.”

I slide my uninjured hand into his, giving it a squeeze. “Wow. I’m a jerk.”

“What?” He frowns.

“I didn’t even consider comforting you, I just thought about myself –”

“Hey, no no no…” he laughs softly. “You were one of her doctors, not me. If anyone gets to be an emotional wreck here it’s you.” He gestures to himself. “Not this neurotic idiot.”

I know my expression must be adoring because that’s exactly what I feel for him. “ _My_ neurotic idiot.” I say quietly.

He smiles at me like I just called him my sweetheart, it’s oddly endearing. “Besides,” he says. “I got Linc to give me a hug.”

I let out a sad laugh, reaching for the back of his neck and gently touching his brow to mine. “That should have been me.”

“Hush.” He laughs, pulling back a fraction and then shrugging. “Though he flat out refused to spoon me when I asked.”

I laugh again and then push at his shoulder. He’s honest to god such a cheese ball. “Now you’re just trying to make me laugh.”

“Maybe.” He admits.

“Well hell,” I say, scooting back on the cot and laying sideways. “Come here.”  I hold an arm open to him.

“What?” He laughs.

I pull at the back of his lab coat. “Lay down, we’re spooning.”

He laughs again when I tug a little firmer at his jacket and he falls back against me. “You’re too little and I’m too big.”

“I thought I was a giant?” I ask defiantly.

He huffs out a laugh and lifts his arm to pull mine around him. “You got me there.”

“Let’s lay here for a while and grab thirty winks while we can.” I murmur, pressing my lips to the side of his neck.

“You’re still getting that X-ray.”

“You’re the boss.”

I hug him close, and it’s not long before I hear his breathing deepen and level out. I squeeze him closer, this precious man. I never thought it would be someone else to bring out the best of me. I meant what I blurted out in the OR to Doctor Grey. This is the most me I’ve ever felt in my whole life and _Nico_ helped me get here. I feel the most me – the best _version_ of me when with him. Even now, I realise that comforting someone else, him, makes me feel stronger when before he entered this room I’d never felt more weak.

First he saw me. Then he kissed me and I finally felt like I’d started to live my life, like I existed. Now I feel I’m on the way to becoming the man I was always meant to be and it’s him that’s made me bloom. Despite the grief I felt earlier, the momentary lack of hope and the fear of what a glimpse of a life without the one I love the most would look like; I know that I want everything with this man. And I want it all in good time.

For now, we’ll just sleep. Then I’ll get my goddamn hand x-rayed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
